Coach Bill holds a press conference to explain why his team started players against the Vikings last week:



....no dear.....I'm not talking about zamboni's....football not hockey.....what?...NO....I didn't say rigatoni!....i'm not cooking dinner....football!!!!....Where are my Cahones woman?!!!?!?!

I officially surrender my ill-gotten game despicably stolen from the noble Marauders this last weekend....and plead ignorance...I mean really....I ask you?.....how should I have known my team was still playing this season? Have you looked at my season? I have shot my coach, entire staff, PR department and ran my crotch into a pole....ok....without my nutz, the last part really didn't do much damage I admit....

I prostrate myself on the mercy of the league....Honest. I ran outta gas. I had a flat tire. I didn't have enough money for cab fare. My tux didn't come back from the cleaners. An old friend came in from outta town. Someone stole my car. There was an earthquake, a terrible flood, locusts! It wasn't my fault, I swear to God!!!!......