 Welcome to the 2009 West/North Championship Weekend on this special edition of Thursday Madden Picks!
It has taken all year to get here, but we are now down to the final four. I’m Thurston Goal along with Anita Puntnow and please welcome our special guest host Achmed the Dead Terrorist.
Achmed: Seasons Greetings… Infidels.
Thurston: So, you're a terrorist?
Achmed: Yes. I am a terrorist.
Thurston: What kind of terrorist?
Achmed: A terrifying... terrorist…. Are you scared?
Thurston: Not really, no.
[Achmed growls]
Achmed: And now?
Thurston: Not really, no.
 Achmed: Hu-HA! [hopeful] How about now?
Thurston: No.
Achmed: God damn it… Oh! I mean, uh... "Allah" damn it.
Thurston: So you flew into town today… How did you get through security at the airport?
Achmed: Oh, that's easy. I just say to the guards; "Hello! I am Lindsay Lohan!"
Thurston: So um, what's it like to die? Do you see a white light?
Achmed: If you're dumb enough to watch the explosion, yes.
Thurston: No, I mean some people say they see a white light. What did you see?
Achmed: I saw flying car parts.
Thurston: What as the last thing that went though your mind?
Achmed: My ass.
Thurston: I understand you composed a new song for us?
Achmed: Yes Infidels.... Now SILENCE! I Kill You!
(to the tune of Jingle Bells)
 Dashing through the league
With a bomb strapped to my back
I have combat fatigue
Check out Elvira’s rack
Backstroms lead the teams
In the North and West
Ignore the Eagles’ screams
If you want to be the best
Oh, KOBOZ bells, KOBOZ bells
KOBOZ all the way
Oh, one day I’ll hold the cup
and kill teams in my way… Hey!
KOBOZ bells, KOBOZ bells
Burnina-tors are all done
I love to point and laugh at them
So join me in the fun
If you are going to win
Your going to have to smack
It’s not a mortal sin
to stab them in the back
Don’t be a lazy slob
sound off like drunk Hungarians
I’m sure you’ll do a better job
Than “Barbie of the Barbarians”
 Oh, KOBOZ bells, KOBOZ bells
KOBOZ all the way
Oh, one day I’ll hold the cup
and kill teams in my way… Hey!
KOBOZ bells, KOBOZ bells
Zepplins are still creeping
but please don’t make a lot of noise
King Kodiak is sleeping
A day or two ago
The WarkHawks made their move
it’s about the fracking time
they got into the grove
with two games left to go
you must get on a roll
you have to have the greatest team
to win the KOBOZ Bowl
Oh, KOBOZ bells, KOBOZ bells
KOBOZ all the way
Oh, one day I’ll hold the cup
and kill teams in my way… Hey!
KOBOZ Bells, Batman Smells
The Rebels stink like poo.
Don't laugh at me because I'm dead
or I kill you!
Thurston: Thanks Achmed. If you would like to see another song… check out this link on YouTube. And now here is Anita Puntnow with the picks! Anita?
AP: Thanks Thurston.... as you know we are now in the playoffs which is of course the home of Havoc and Chaos!
We have run the simulations on the handy dandy Madden computer and we should have two really interesting games featuring the four best big dawgs in the league. In the North the Zepplins fly into Florida to try to take down the Winner of the North Division Blizzard. You know hot air doesn’t really rise in the cold air.... so at the end we predict the Blizzard win the day 31-28.
Over in the West the Warhawks confidently arrive at Warship Memorial Stadium to take on the West Division Champion Dreadnaughts. These are two very evenly matched teams. Admiral BigGun has a few surprises planned for this one and it should be a great game. We expect it will come down to the wire and be decided by the last one to score… the WarHawks kicker will drill it at the end. 43-42
Thurston: Thanks Anita. There you have it folks. Some great games this weekend... and even more on deck for next. Good luck to all teams and congrats to the Rebels and Burninators for not getting the Crappy. See you next week for thee final 2009 Madden Picks.
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