Breaking News: Rumors have shown that in order to turn around the season, the Vipers have gone over the edge and hired a former Cowboy (GASP!!!) into thier ranks and sightings of a "dark one" in the Vipers camp have been circulating.

(See artists rendition right)

Included is the last intercept from the Vipers head office.

After a dissapointing 6-7 season in 2003 the Jewett Lake Vipers look like they are getting serious for the 2004 season, successfully signing Snake Plissken to lead the team this off season.

Plissken, who is well known for geting people out of tight spots (ie. N.Y. & L.A.), has come out of retirement to face a seamingly large challenge yet again, this time attempting to turn around a struggling franchise and win the confidence of a highly aggravated owner.

Rumors abound about a mysterious and hooded new potential coach for the Jewett Lake Vipers. This Man has been seen several times in recent days near the "Snake Pit" and is supposedly in secret negotiations for the head coaching job.(shhhh!)

Despite promises of fame, prestige, and all the jello that she can roll in, Academy Award and three time Golden Globe winner Angelina Jolie, most famous for her roll as the adventuring Laura Croft in the Tomb Raider movies, has refused the Vipers' offer of becoming there official 'Moon Goddess'.

"I don't think she fully realizes the amount of attention she would receive," Said Vipers owner and chief Moon Goddess Coordinator Bill Zumwalde.
"We would put her high upon a mantel and shower her with much deserved glory. Our X- ray... Er, I mean our regular cameras would snap pictures of her every angle and broadcast them to the entire league making her the most famous Moon Goddess in history. I was even willing to do a private interview in my love bungalow with her. She doesn't know what she is missing baby. Yeah!"

Angelina Jolie, unfortunately was at an award banquet for her recent release of 'Tomb Raider: Cradle of Life' and was unavailable for comment.